Patrick Says

Hey, dude (or dudette) near Douglas, UK, who has been trying to hack my site for the last hour or two:

Everyone else: if the site is down later, you know why.

I was at Target yesterday when I saw this photo on one of the giant boards. It puzzled me. (Click on it to see it bigger.)

• Why is she drinking milk in the kitchen in her underwear? Is she worried about spilling milk over her regular clothes?
• Why isn’t she eating those cookies? The milk is for after the cookies. Maybe she already ate a cookie and she’s chasing them with the milk.
• AND the big question: WHY IS SHE WEARING A FREAKING JACKET OVER HER UNDERWEAR? I mean, if she’s cold, maybe she should put on a SHIRT and some PANTS!

Just saying.

We’re preparing for a big yard sale this summer. In preparation for that, I had The Wife go through all her shoes and see what she still wanted to keep. Since her unfortunate set of circumstances, her feet have actually shrunk. So half of her shoes don’t even fit.

The shoes are downstairs and she’s upstairs, so I shuttle the shoes up with The Oldest and Steak. They come back with the shoes and one word: keep or sell. We go through, and I’m not kidding here, twenty-five pair of shoes and she keeps half. Half! Half! Who needs that many shoes?

I don’t get woman and shoes. Men need like, four pairs of shoes max:

• Everyday shoes
• Black dress shoes
• Workout shoes
• Sandals (optional)

That’s it. End of story. So, ladies, how many shoes do you have?
Leave it in the comments.

Picked up from Jeanette.
Here’s mine.

I have visited 19 states (38%).
Create your own visited map of The United States.

I’m trying to lose weight again. But this is probably the most serious I’ve been about it ever. I’m disgusted by the sight of me naked. My clothes all fit horribly. My gut is the size of a Yamaha generator. I’m just tired of being fat.

So, the other day I’m driving home and decide to get fast food for the family for dinner because time is short. You know how that goes. At first, I’m thinking McDonald’s because the kids like it, but then I know that the food is all fried and unhealthy. I’ll get the kids McDonald’s and I’ll get something else.

But then it occurs to me. If I’m not going to eat that garbage, why am I going to feed it to my kids? Instead, I headed to Subway and got something moderately healthy. For everybody. Take that, you clown.