Patrick Says

This video is pure win.

Last night, I was lucid dreaming, which almost never happens for me. If you’re aren’t familiar with the term, it’s when you’re dreaming and you are aware that you’re in a dream. It’s pure awesome, like rainbows or personalized bats.

Anyway, a lot of dreams are foggy, but this one was clear. So, of course, I go trolling for sex. (Look, if you want to run around in a field of wild flowers like Laura Ingalls, go do that in your dream. Me? I’m looking for a good time.) But of course, just like in the real world, nothing cooperates. It’s like my own brain is trying to c-block me. It’s either unattractive ladies or no ladies at all or people keep interrupting me. But finally, I hook up and I’m gonna get my swerve on and the alarm clock starts beep beep beeping.

Stupid alarm clock. Another missed opportunity.

I’m surprised sometimes by the reactions of people when you tell them you’ve lost your wedding ring. Oh? Did I mention I lost my wedding ring this weekend? I mean, it was bound to happen. It was a little big on me and I don’t like my hand encumbered by metal and it would hurt a lot and I lost it somewhere and have no idea where.

But the reactions of some folks are just ridiculous. They have this aghast look like I just farted while standing next to the President at a State function. Or maybe it’s that they think now I’m going to be trying to bed down every woman I see. Trust me, the thing keeping me from unlimited amounts of tail is not my lack of a wedding ring.

It’s more my personal appearance. (Hint: I’m a troll.)

Well, that and my strong moral fiber. I’m still married, even without a ring. My ability to keep my promise to not bang other chicks was not hinged on the wearing of a gold band around my finger. I will totally be keeping it in my pants…unless I pass a bus stop with a lot of people.

Then, all bets are off.

So, I guess I should look for an easy personal loan.
I gotta replace a ring.

Bea Arthur looks upset.

I know you don’t care, but man, I have a killer headache today. I woke up with it and it refuses to leave no matter what I throw at it. It’s aggravating. I’ve taken two doses of tension headache medicine. I’ve drank tumblers full of Diet Coke. I’ve eaten.

Nothing.
It refuses to die.
Ugh.

In other unrelated notes, I keep seeing QR codes everywhere. If you’re unfamiliar with what a QR code is, it’s those square boxes with lots of little dots that laser barcode scanners can read. Smartphones these days can also read them and people are tripping over each other to make them and place them everywhere.

I’m not convinced they’re all useful just yet.

I was a little dry on subject matter for a post, so I offered The Oldest a chance to guest post and write about anything he wanted. The subject matter was up to him, whatever he wanted. Nothing with too much personal information and nothing about subjects he didn’t know, like for example, oxytokin.

Of course, he picked Lego. Oddly enough, he chose to write as if I were writing the post, even though I clearly instructed him that he was the writer. I thought to go through and change the tense, but felt I’d be too heavily editing his work. So, here it is:

I worked with The Oldest on a LEGO Starfighter. It took three days to finish it. I mostly did it. There are three people and one droid. The droid is named is R4-P44 and one person name is Kit Fisto and another one is named Captain Jag and the last one is called clone pilot. It took a lot of work, but in the end, it was worth it. Plus, there was a lot of stickers.

Not sure if that droid name is correct. I did check Kit Fisto and that one is correct. While not the most interesting post ever written, it’s certainly not the dullest thing ever posted here. Good job, dude!