Patrick Says

I’m getting really excited because my favorite holiday is coming up real soon and I just cannot wait. It’s almost Arbor Day!

It takes me back to being a kid. On Arbor Eve, we’d hang our stockings by the chimney. We’d read ‘Twas The Night Before Arbor Day’ and then we’d go to bed dreaming and hoping that the jolly fellow would come down the chimney and leave us presents.

We’d get up on Arbor morning and run down the stairs to see what was under the Arbor tree. A big red bicycle or a new gaming system or maybe cigars. Okay, probably not that last thing. Then later in the day, we’d have Arbor dinner. Mom always baked a delicious ham with all the sides and it just wasn’t Arbor dinner without the jelly cranberry shaped like the can.

I may be confusing holidays, though…

So, Topless Robot, a geek site I follow, posted about a Japanese pillow you can buy that is shaped like a woman’s breasts. Of course, they are ridiculing it because, let’s face it, the Japanese come out with some crazy stuff.

Now, I’m going to say, I…uh…I kind of think this is okay.

There is something very comforting, as a man, about laying your head on your woman’s bosom and lightly napping. I’m not talking about in some weird sex-toy way and if that’s what you’d lean toward, you just keep that to yourself. I mean, I could totally close my eyes, rest my head on this pillow and nap. Real breasts would be better, but when wouldn’t real breasts be better?

If you find this disturbing, have an e cig and chill out.
It’s just a really comfortable pillow.

Oh, last night was a doozy. I get home from working a long day. I take the time to cook a meal that’s not from the freezer (entirely) and have two boys thumb their noses at it. Oh…I was steamed. Sadly, this is a pretty regular occurrence. The Oldest is six and he is quite the picky eater. Steak is four and is now at the stage where whatever his brother is doing, he’s doing, because he wants to be like him. So, if The Oldest isn’t eating it, I’ve got little or no chance at Steak eating it.

These kids will not eat. They have about three vegetables they will tolerate and almost no fruit. And I know if they tried it, they would actually like some of these. I’m at my end. I can’t serve hot dogs and macaroni and cheese every night. So, The Wife and I discussed it this morning on the way to a doctor appointment and came up with some ideas.

1. No one leaves the dinner table until excused, which will probably not be until I’m done. There are no trophies for the first kid back to the living room.
2. Everyone must take at least one bite of every item on their plate. I don’t care if you have to spit and sputter and fight back the vomit, you’re going to TRY every darn thing on that plate.
3. Safe nights: a couple nights a week will be things I know the kids like. That way, it’s not necessarily two nights in a row of the spit and sputtering in rule #2.
4. If you don’t eat enough dinner, there will be NO after-dinner snacking. My mother left my plate on the table all darn night if I didn’t eat it and by god, the food tastes a whole worse at 8pm than it did at 6pm.

We also plan to shift to frozen veggies and steaming them, but that’s more a nutritional thing for everyone than for the kids. We’ll have to see how they adjust to frozen taste versus can.

What tricks do you use for your kids?

I have some animated GIFs that are pretty darn hilarious. But the subject matter in some of them is a little dicey. It’s like telling jokes about disability appeal in a room full of disabled and armed veterans; you gotta be careful.

So, I’ll just post these after the MORE tag and then you have to go to the site to see them all!

(more…)

I had an awesome conversation with The Oldest in the car today. The subject came up when discussing shoes and the fancy outfit he last wore in a school musical. Prior to that musical, he had wore the fancy outfit in his grandmother’s wedding.

The Oldest: ‘Are you and Mom getting married?’

Me: ‘No, we’re already married, buddy.’

TO: ‘So, why did Grandma get married again?’

Me: ‘Well, she had a wedding because she didn’t get the wedding she wanted the first time.’

TO: ‘Did you and Mom get the wedding you wanted?’

Me: ‘I guess. She planned the whole thing. Weddings are usually more about the bride than the groom.’

TO: “UGH! Everything is always about the girls more than the boys! It’s just not fair!’

Me: ‘It’s okay, buddy. We get higher salaries in the workplace.’

TO: ‘Yeah!’

Yes, of course, I explained that it’s not fair than women make less than men in the same job. Please do not send me hate mail. Check yo’self, breeches! (I kid. I kid.)