Patrick Says

Dear Hollywood,

Would you please stop using Kesha songs in your movie trailers for kids films? (And in particular, I’m looking at you, ‘Marmaduke’ and the next ‘Diary Of A Wimpy Kid’ installment.)

She is a skank. All her songs talk about partying, getting drunk and f***ing anything that moves into her field of vision. If she visited my house, right after she left, I’d burn the chair she sat in just to minimize the exposure of my family to this STD farm.

Also, her music is pure s***. You could auto-tune a Zamboni machine running over an old lady and a puppy and put it to music and it would sound better than any song on her album.

Just saying. That is all.

Years ago, my mechanic friend found a car for The Wife and I. It was at a time when our cars were in really bad shape and we needed something better. It was a 1996 Chevrolet Lumina. It needed a good chunk of work, but the guys got it done. I can remember the joy The Wife had when we got it and brought it home. It felt new to us.

Fast forward a good number of years. We’ve tried to keep up, but the years and the miles are taking their toll. Currently, she needs a new compressor, something called a wheel hub bearing, the low coolant light comes on for no apparent reason and she chugs between 50 and 60 miles per hour. It’s about time to send her to someone else. So, if you need a car that has nothing something everything a lot of stuff wrong with it, give me a holler.

It’s posts like this where I really wish I named my cars. It would make the post so much more personal. Instead of the coldness of a pronoun, we could call the car Bovie or something.

If you know me, you know I love pin-ups. From the classics of Gil Elvgren to the later greats like Patrick Nagel. There’s something about that style of art that I just dig. (And it’s not just that sometimes nudity is involved; I can like art without boobies.) Anyway, so imagine my joy at finding a Pin-up Maker on the web. It’s better than a sale on HP printers. W00t!

I threw one together real quick to get a feel for the application.
It wasn’t thought out, but she’s hot.

I went back and made a second and really played with the options to make it perfect. Of course, that means having a strawberry milkshake ready for Daddy! (I’m a fat dude. I like milkshakes.)

Anyway, here’s the link.
Go make your own and send it to me.
I’ll post it. Whatever.

Today’s animated GIF of the day is especially awesome. Why? Because it’s from ‘That 70s Show’, which was an amazingly underrated show that was really quite awesome. Great, right? Better than hydroponics, right? You’d think that would be enough for a great animated GIF. But oh no, my friends. This one syncs beautifully with music, in particular a Ting Tings track. Press play and enjoy!

I know. I know. You’re welcome.
Leave your thanks and praise in the comments for this gem of a find!

I don’t have anything all that interesting to say. According to my own standards, I should not be posting. If you have nothing worth saying, then don’t bother saying it. But maybe instead, I’m hoping that something worthwhile will come from the spewing of inconsequential blather.

Probably not though.

I’ve been thinking a lot about weight loss again. I just can’t seem to find the right motivator to make me get that going. I want to drop some poundage, but man, food is just so delicious. I know that if I log my food, I’ll eat better, but at the end of the day, I’m just tired and I want to go to bed. I don’t want to log meals. I even consider using shock motivators. You know, like a picture of a gigantic fat guy. Like this guy:

See what I mean? I want to go exercise right now.
Who’s with me? We can work the pull up bars.
No? Okay. I’m going to go eat some cheesecake.