Every day, Dora the Explorer takes little children on an adventure to find or do something. It always involves three steps: like go through the marmalade waterfall, around the thistle bushes and over a bridge guarded by a dancing troll. And how do we get this awesomely handy information?
From a map.
A map?
Yes, a map.
OMG, Dora. It’s 2011. Buy a friggin’ GPS already. Maybe you could get a better route than that crappy map gives you. Maybe one step. Maybe it’s quicker to just cut through the unicorn farm and go past the Blue Cross of NC office to get there. Bypass that stupid troll!
I was listening to Pandora the other day. I love symphonic rock. Nightwish is one of my favorite bands and I have a station based just on them. So, while listening to this station, some group called Angtoria comes on. Pandora shows you the album cover of the song that is playing. Here’s the album cover for Angtoria’s album:
(It’s a little NSFW, so you have to click to see it bigger than a thumbnail.)
The album is called ‘God Has A Plan For Us All’. Apparently, that plan involves being half-naked with your wrists slashed while being chased by a gigantic stone skull. I’m scared. Somebody get me some muscle building supplements. Gotta buff up to run from that giant skull…
South of Saint Louis in the state of Missouri, there is a town. This town clearly did not think through when they decided to name their town.
Ladies and gentleman, meet Knob Lick.
KNOB LICK??? Who named your town? A 14-year-old boy hopped up on universal animal cuts? Seriously? You guys didn’t think for a second that someone might find your name hilarious? It’s practically the word fellatio! What were the runners up for this town’s name?
Ball Massager, MO
Testicle Fondler, MO
Peter Banger, MO
What kind of hobbies do they have in Knob Lick?
The world may never know.
Remember the hit song ‘Jack And Diane’ from John Cougar Mellencamp back in the 80s? If you don’t, I’ve just dated myself horribly, but what do I care.
Anyway, here’s the quote I’d like to make fun of:
Suckin’ on a chili dog,
outside the Tastee Freez,
Diane sittin on Jackie’s lap,
He’s got his hands between her knees.
Huh? Why wouldn’t Jack like Diane? She’ll let you touch her thighs while she performs fellatio on a processed-meat product. What’s not to like!?!
That’s all I got. That verse was just buggin’ me.
On a side note, be extremely careful when looking up lyrics on the web. My experience is that lyric sites are notorious for being spyware and malware-ridden. If you do have to visit one, get the lyrics and get out. Definitely don’t click on anything that says ‘click here‘. Consider yourself warned.
I feel kinda bad. I totally meant to do a ‘best of’ list for 2010. Yep. It didn’t happen. I just got too busy. But if I had done such a list, here’s what would have probably been on it.
Best television show:
‘The Walking Dead’ – zombies were the new vampires in 2010 and ‘The Walking Dead’ was a shining gem of an example. Here’s the thing with this show: if you’re looking for a zombie action show, this ain’t your show. If your looking for a show with deep characters and development set in a zombie-filled world, then BOOM, welcome to this show. I cannot wait for the new season in 2011.
Best mini-series:
‘Dead Set’ – again with the zombies. This British mini-series is set during ‘Big Brother’ and a zombie outbreak occurs. It follows the story of the staffers, the contestants and the craziness. The pace is frantic and the tension is high. I was on the edge of my seat for the whole run. And the ending was just sad. I wasn’t crying or anything, but it was definitely depressing. Great, great series. Catch it on DVD if you can.
Best new musical artist:
I’d say if I had to pick a new artist on the scene in 2010, I’d say it would be B.O.B. ‘Beautiful Girls’ was a phenomenal song and ‘Airplanes’ is an exceptional mashup of rock and rap. Great stuff dressed in urban clothing. Here’s the video for ‘Airplanes’:
Best viral video:
It’s no secret that I love the Gregory Brothers and their ‘Auto-Tune The News’ series. Combining politics and news events with music and auto-tuning is the greatest thing ever. Here’s #12:
That’s about it, I guess. What did you find in 2010 that you liked a lot?
Remember the hit song ‘Jack And Diane’ from John Cougar Mellencamp back in the 80s? If you don’t, I’ve just dated myself horribly, but what do I care.