Patrick Says

Your so right.

It sucked.

See you next year.

We all love the ‘Toy Story’ movies. I love them. They’re great. Endearing, lovable toys on missions to make sure kids are happy. But really, deep down, the premise of these movies is creepy.

1. All toys are sentient. They are self-aware. They are watching us.
2. They can move. That means they can take up weapons.
3. If every child has 20+ toys, there are like, 800 bajillion toys in the world.

Put it all together and we’re dead meat. If you thought the zombie apocalypse was going to be bad, just wait until the toy apocalyspe happens. Think of the army men alone. We are all doomed. You should stock up now on lighter fluid, rain boots and matches because plastic burns, baby, burns.

(Warning: this post is laced with profanity, kind of. I put in asterisks.)

Dear A**holes In Virginia Who Got Hold Of My Debit Card Info,

I hope you f***ing die. Or at the very least, I’m hoping wishing praying for your diagnosis of severe rectal cancer. Oh man, I want to punch you right in your junk. You want to steal? Go steal from rich people. Thanks to you, I had to put back the groceries I was attempting to purchase and scramble to find an alternate funding source for my kids medicine that they need to keep their asthma in check. Thanks, a**hats.

Also, I’d like to send a gigantic middle finger to Gamestop #4758 and a restaurant called Croaker’s Spot. You guys are TOP NOTCH at catching card fraud. And by TOP NOTCH, I mean I ain’t never seen anybody as s**t-all stupid as you clowns. Dude is buying $162 worth of games (I guess) and you don’t ask for a f***ing driver’s license. Not even a quick look-see at a license. I’m glad dude ripped you off because when these charges are reversed, you’re just out the merchandise. Maybe next time, you’ll actually look.

That is all. Sorry. I’m a little bitter right now.

Tron – Buzz enters the Grid by ~iamclu on deviantART