Patrick Says

What can I say about Jillian Michaels that hasn’t already been said? Nothing. But I can talk about ‘The Biggest Loser’.

The Wife and I had some weird habits that always seemed to coincide with this show. Most nights, we don’t eat dessert. But for whatever reason, maybe enormous people working out, I would always make a bowl of ice cream during this show. Which just seems wrong. The game we’d always play was to see how many times the actors could say ‘last chance workout’ during the last chance workouts. Seriously, it was always double digits. You’d think they were getting paid by the keyword.

But by and far, the best parts were the in-show advertisements. Why? Because these people were the worst pitchmen ever. They were absolutely unconvincing. Even the trainers sounded like they were reading from a card or had worked really hard memorizing their lines. Just awful.

Great stuff.

The Wife loves Food Network. I’d say about 60% of the television she watches is on that channel. Watch this: without looking, I just asked her the number for Food Network channel. Apparently, it’s 231 on DIRECTV.

They have a show called ‘The Best Thing I Ever Ate’. This show is ridiculous. The premise is that Food Network ‘celebrities’ talk about the best food they ever had. They don’t cook it. They JUST talk about it. Really? REALLY? I don’t need to sit and listen to you TALK about something good you once ate. I can catch the live version of this show at any retirement community on any given night. I don’t have to pay $36 a month for the privilege. And then they give a free commercial to the place they ate it. Wow. That must be nice for your restaurant business.

Hey, Food Network, I have an idea for a show: ‘The Biggest Bowel Movement I Ever Had’. Your ‘celebrities’ can talk about the biggest dump they ever took, maybe show the bathroom it occurred in. What do you think, Food Network? CALL ME!

An interviewer once commented to me that I write short posts. It was not meant to be insulting, but more of an observation. There is a reason why I write short posts. Really, it’s twofold.

Firstly, a blog post should, in my opinion, convey one idea or thought. With the possible exception of bulleted lists, you should really keep focus on one concept in a post. Besides being on point, you get the added benefit of having more subject matter to spread across multiple posts. And a blog that posts two to three short posts per day seems more busy and content-rich than a blog that has one long post per day.

Secondly, readers have a very short attention span. That’s just the nature of the beast. When I’m clicking through my feed-reader, I’m way more likely to stop and read your one to two paragraph short post. I shudder when I see a post that goes longer than five paragraphs.

On those occasions, you’d better hook the reader fast or you’re going to bore him or her. It has be really interesting to keep them that long. Or it has to be specific. A small percentage of your readers may be interested in wrinkle filler-type posts, but not all of them.

So, choose your subject matter carefully for your readers.

I had a friend in the 90s, while I was serving in the Air Force, who thought L’Trimm were like the second coming of Salt-N-Pepa.
Seriously.
L’Trimm.

I know. You’re struggling trying to remember who L’Trimm were. I’ll help.

Still no idea? Lucky you.

A co-worker who occasionally reads this blog sent me a link. It’s to a site absolutely full of every possible animated GIF you could imagine. So, I guess we’ll have a lot to feature on the AGotD feature.

Today’s featured animated GIF is my all-time favorite because it’s just friggin’ beautiful. Really. I could stare at it all day and just get lost in it. Without further adieu:

Speaking of testosterone booster and the like, The Oldest’s favorite musician is Andrew W.K. now.

How awesome is that? I had to steer him away from the Lady Gaga.
Seriously. Lady Gaga.