Comments on: Facebook Continues To Get Weird…

By: Patrick D.

Patrick D. — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:45:22 +0000

I can see what you’re saying. And certainly, no one has to be friends with past flames, but I think in certain cases, a friendship could be rewarding.

(On a side note, this post has sparked some of the best comment content. Very thoughtful stuff. Makes me want to get more philosophical in posts.)

By: Wendy

Wendy — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 15:48:22 +0000

I can see how it would come across that way. What I’m trying to convey is that you once *did* have feelings for each other and it’s impossible not to recall what that was like – ie. pretend that it never was. It doesn’t have to be at the level of considering infidelity.
I certainly have great relationships with a few ex-boyfriends and while we now have gotten past the ‘past’, in the beginning it’s at least a little bit weird/awkward. If both parties can get past that, though, there is great potential. However, I believe that for many either they feel that can’t trust themselves, or they just don’t want to put that much effort into it (and trust that the other person will want to work on it just as much) that they don’t pursue it.
.-= Wendy´s last blog …Networking at PASS Summit 2009 =-.

By: Patrick D.

Patrick D. — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 15:03:36 +0000

I agree with some of your points, except for the old feelings. If an old flame can make you consider infidelity, your current relationship is simply not strong.

By: Patrick D.

Patrick D. — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 15:00:43 +0000

That wall is a fine concept, but it works both ways. You can keep everyone out, but then, at the end of the day, you’re all alone. How much is self-preservation if it’s spent being alone?

Something to think about.

By: Wendy

Wendy — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 14:52:31 +0000

Yeah I agree with kim – you reconnect to mend old hurts but without a serious effort on both sides the trust will never be there. It should be worth 100% of the energy required to create the new friendship from the old one because it will assuredly never be the same (ie – old boyfriend/girlfriend and you’re now married). This has to be a new relationship with new parameters and STILL there will be remininces of old feelings and potential ‘what ifs’ no matter how much both parties say/try – that will not be the case.
I think it’s just easier in the long run to not have to deal with those things for most people and the current people in their lives. Because it’s no longer just you (or me) it’s me + my family now.
.-= Wendy´s last blog …Networking at PASS Summit 2009 =-.

By: psychospazmom

psychospazmom — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 13:46:10 +0000

We distance ourselves because once you are so close with someone, and then hurt, you are left raw. Its usually the person you least expect to hurt you. Now, there is no trust. So, to protect ourselves from future hurt, you keep people at arms length. Possibly build yourself a wall. This is with any close relationship, not just boyfriend/girlfriend. Its self preservation.