Patrick Says

• The word ‘won’ has always seemed inappropriate to me when referring to an auction. You haven’t really won anything…except the privilege of paying more money than the guy across the room would have paid.
• I have this stack of medical bills. If I put them somewhere I can’t see them, then I forget about them and that makes me happy. But they still call on the phone…
• I get so tired of people sometimes. I just want a disconnect from the world for a few days. Maybe go camping. But then I remember how much I hate camping.
• I started a blog for my writings (of the fictional nature) over at PatrickWrites.net. I don’t know if this will make me actually write, but domain names are dirt cheap.
• I should say something about hand dryers, but I got nothing. Also, around midnight, my subtlety starts to wane. But you probably just noticed that.

As I was telling Jessica earlier, forty sucks.

‘Why?’ she asked.

‘My obsession with naked lady pics is officially creepy, I think I have all the sicknesses going around and Yanni keeps calling about some CD purchases,’ I replied.

I’ll give you an example. I’ve been forty less than twenty-four hours and I thought this afternoon, I had contracted the swine flu. Turns out it was just a headache. So, neat.

We’re just one short hour away from my birthday. Big friggin’ deal.

Today was awful in nearly every regard. Everyone seemed to throw everything they could at me all at once. I hate when that happens. And what eventually happens is that you lash out at whoever happens to be nearby when you snap. That person was Melody today. Sorry, Melody. I have issues. What can I say?

Oh, check this! The forums that send automated birthday greetings are now underway. Apparently, some of them are set on the East Coast timezone. First one just came in from the Tech Guy Forums. Let’s see who’s next! Clown porn forums? Industrial computer forums? WHO WILL BE NEXT?

(For the record, I don’t even know if there are clown porn forums, but sadly, I’m afraid there probably are.)

A friend asked me the other day what I wanted for my birthday. Because people might ask. Because my birthday is coming up. I hadn’t really prepared any kind of list because to be honest, I don’t expect that I will actually be getting anything. But for the sake of humor, let’s put one up, yes?

For my birthday, I’d like:

• Youth, or at least the youthful optimism of a life full of promise.
• The Oldest’s asthma to get better. A five-year-old shouldn’t have to hack until he throws up nearly every day. He shouldn’t have to be used to that.
• Steak to stop being so damn mean to me. I know, it’s a phase, but it still hurts when every single sentence starts with ‘no, momma do…’
• My wife’s health back. Not just for her, but for me. Our relationship, these last couple of months, has been very strained.
• My 403(b) in the shape it was in back about three years ago. Or at least a recovery for the economy. More jobs in administration or jobs in whatever sector my friends all work in. Too many people are still unemployed.
• $1,000,000…if I’m making a list of crap I’m never going to get.