Patrick Says

How I imagine a plot meeting for upcoming episodes of NBC’s new drama, ‘Trauma’, go after watching the first twenty minutes of the premiere last night:

Producer #1: ‘So, we have nineteen railroad cars, two helicopters, a jumbo jet, twelve cars and a horse. Ideas?’

Writer #1: ‘I got it! The plane crashes into the two helicopters over a highway next to train tracks and everything rolls into a farm.’

Writer #2: ‘Can we wire the horse with explosives?’

Producer #2: ‘Absolutely! LUNCH!’

Just sayin’. How many things can you blow up in 43 minutes?

(WARNING: This post is a little coarse and maybe slightly vulgar.)

A lot of people seem to be in a hubbub about Roman Polanski’s possible extradition to America to face charges from a crime he committed in the 1970s. Some folks seem downright offended that he was ambushed and taken into custody by the Swiss.

I’m really having a hard time finding sympathy for a guy who rapes a 13-year-old. Seriously. And not just rapes, but violates the back door no less. Wow, dude. You’re a real sh**bag. I don’t care how ‘hot’ she was or how many pills you had popped, you just don’t f*ck kids. They aren’t capable of understanding the consequences of their actions. THEY PROBABLY STILL HAVE BARBIE DOLLS AT HOME, you douche-bag.

So, Polanski sympathizers out there, help me understand why Roman shouldn’t be bent over in a cell having his back door violated, please.

Further reading: pro-Roman and anti-Roman.

I know I’ve been virtually absent lately. (Get it? Virtually…on the Interwebz…where nobody is real…)

I’m in a funk. And it’s going to be that way for awhile, I think. Something has to give, but right now, everything is holding tenuously. And in the midst of all this struggle, I’m somehow a speaker at a conference in mid-October. I was one of the minors, but since the lead dropped out (for reasons unknown to me), I’m the main. Which makes me extremely uncomfortable.

You see, I’m a mumbler.

We’ve gone over this before. If I have any strengths (still up for debate), they are for the written word and not the spoken word. I’m barely audible and I don’t enunciate. And I know this. Hell, others know this. They can hear me (barely) talking. And every joke I attempt in front of more than three people falls flat.

Again, I WRITES good, I DON’T SPEAKS good.

If you’re interested in attending this conference, I’ll provide a link. However, do not come to my seminar. Seriously. It will be a train wreck. And not the good kind.

We hear a lot about the burden smokers place on the health care system. I mean, they are active participants in a habit that will eventually destroy their health and possibly kill them. But they keep on smoking.

Now, for the record, I’m not a smoker. Never have been. Also, I detest the habit. I hate the way it makes your clothes stink and I don’t want it happening around my kids. I believe all public places should be smoke-free and smokers don’t have the right to force me to inhale their nasty smoke.

BUT…I’m not willing to start charging them more for health care or berating them for their eventual treatments that are going to cost a lot of money in their later years, large portions of which will probably be paid by Medicare. Why? Because most of us are doing just as much damage to our systems by being fat. I’ll probably have a stroke by the end of this post. I eat fried foods all the time. I DON’T work out. AT ALL. I may have high blood pressure and it’s untreated. How can I throw stones at smokers?

Now, I could get on some of the best weight loss supplements on the market and work out and get fit, but then I could just as easily pick up another bad habit, say drinking and destroy my liver.

I’m just saying…we all have vices. Get off the smoker’s backs.