Words Fail Me…
(Note: This post contains coarse language including the f-bomb. If that’s a problem, you should probably come back for the next post.)
I feel like I owe you folks a real post. It’s been awhile. I know. But lately, I’ve lost the urge. To be honest, I’m kind of drowning. I’m sure it will get better, but I’m just having a real [expletive deleted] hard time seeing it.
Jen’s home, but that’s more a midpoint than an end to this mess we’re living through. I’m getting some help from family members and friends and I hope it’s enough to keep me from losing my job. If we think things are bad right now, they will be exponentially harder when I get fired.
I’m in trouble, peeps. I wish I could talk to my parents. Both dead. So that’s out. Sometimes it really sucks to have been born to really old parents.
Assuming I can keep my job, perhaps I won’t lose the house this year. I don’t know. There’s a part of me that just wants to mail the keys to the lender and walk away. But my boys need a home. So, I push on and hope for the next lifeboat.
Anyway, enough depressing crap from me.
Here’s a funny bit I realized today. Farts in the shower are like, ten times more horrendous because the ‘shields are down’ per se. No pants, no filter.
June 1st, 2009 at 7:28 am
I know this is a REALLY rough stretch. You WILL get through it…and with a job. Our boss is NOT going to fire you. She knows what it’s like to take care of someone who is ill and still have to manage everything else.
June 1st, 2009 at 8:39 am
Yeah, when times are rough they always seem indeterminable. All-in-all, Patrick I think you’re doing extrodinarily well. Use your forum as an outlet as much as you need to – we’re all here (some of us virtually anyway) whenever you need us. Glad to hear the wife is home and hope things get better quickly.
Wendy´s last blog post…Summer Movie List
June 1st, 2009 at 9:17 am
I’m always here to vent to, man. Feel free to email or call me anytime. And I too think you’re doing a commendable job holding it together through these trying times.
::big hugs to you and Jen and the boys::
June 1st, 2009 at 11:30 am
There’s nothing I can say that makes this time any easier. Not much I can do to help from Pgh. I will be praying for you, for whatever that is worth to you. I guess the one thing that gets me through the hardest of times is knowing that very little is forever, and eventually, this will be behind you and somehow, you’ll be in a better situation.
jami´s last blog post…Jami Plays the Name Game
June 1st, 2009 at 7:51 pm
Life is great. Life is shitty. Life is full of challenges, happiness and fucked up situations that you are forced to deal with. You have good days, great days and fuck-this-shit days. And the fucked up days all blend together to meld into some sort of great mindfuck.
You have no choice, but to deal. That’s all we can do. That’s all we do.
Like the average person that I am, I know that feeling of drowning, suffocation, suffering, worry, being afraid of the day, the next day, feeling things are moving in a tornado of a downward spiral with no hope of recovery, looking up, reaching up, finding nothing, no help, no relief, no sign of an end to the madness and negativity. But those are just feelings.
I wish I had some sort of words, some positive advice, something to inspire you, change your outlook, make it all go away… but I don’t and I can’t.
So instead, I present you with a cheesebag line: things will work themselves out.
And that’s a messed up thing to say. Know that they won’t work out when you want them to or even in the way you want them to. Know that while you wait, you will wonder and hope and be nervous and be afraid – but you have no choice except to persevere. Keep trying. Keep moving forward. That’s why things work themselves out… you try, try, try and wait and wait and wait for them to get better.
But you aren’t sitting around twiddling your thumbs while you wait; you are doing everything in your power to make them work out. And that’s all you can do, because, well, you only have so much power.
Once upon a time, I stopped for food in a teeny-tiny Wyoming mountain town – Centennial, WY (coincidentally, population 100). So I find this old-as-fuck scale in a hall; stand on the scale, put my five cents in the slot next to my birth month and besides my weight, I received a ‘fortune’. Mine said: YOUR GOAL WILL BE DELAYED, BUT YOU WILL SUCCEED.
Fucking, right.
Fucking, right, I will succeed because I won’t stop until I do.
Jeannette´s last blog post…Wordless Wednesday: Sucking my will to live
June 8th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
Thanks to you all. Always nice to hear others offer to help.