Patrick Says

I tried to make trail mix. It went badly.

My wife makes amazing trail mix. Really. It’s like heaven in a plastic bag. So, on the way to work today, I thought I’d take a shot at making some. Didn’t seem that hard.

Boy, was I wrong?

I bought a bag of M&Ms, a can of cashews, a can of toffee peanuts and I had some raisins and sunflower kernels from home. I mixed it all together in a big Ziploc bag.

It tasted awful. It was horrible. Like rained out ballgames, cerebral palsy and animals hit by trains. It was like eating table salt mixed with rock salt. I think the problem was using salted peanuts and salted cashews. So, that’s $10 in the trash can.

Lesson learned.

So, on Twitter tonight, @jaelithe posted a link to an article about a bill being sponsored here in Missouri. The crux of the bill is that to get Sudafed, you would need a prescription and a doctor’s visit. This is a bunch of horse crap. Sorry, it is.

Look, I’m all for keeping meth out of the hands of drug dealers, but you can go too far. I mean, there are already some pain-in-the-butt processes just to get the stuff now. It’s easier to get weight loss pills than cold medicine these days.

People already are limited in the amount of pseudoephedrine they can buy and must sign a log book each time they buy the medicine. Lawmakers authorized an electronic monitoring system last year but did not fund it.

Let me give you the reasons why this bill should DIE in committee.

1. Doctor’s visit means copay for patient.
2. Doctor’s visit also means higher cost to the insurance company. And guess where they’re going to pass those costs?
3. Where do people without health coverage go to get their prescription for this effective medicine?

So, if you’re a Missouri resident, contact your State Congress person and tell them to knock it off and go balance the budget or something.

I listen to Air America Radio sometimes when I’m at work. It’s a Progressive talk radio station. I mostly listen just for background noise, but sometimes I perk up and really concentrate.

Last Thursday was one of those days. Thom Hartman, who does afternoons, had Ray Comfort on his show. If you don’t know who Ray Comfort is, he’s an Christian who is intent on converting everyone or telling them how stupid they are for not converting. (Sorry, no link love for Ray.)

So, anyway, Thom (a Christian, by his own words) has Ray on and immediately, it gets confrontational. Ray insists from the start that God was forced out of the public schools. Thom counters that religion has no place in public schools. They argue back and forth and Ray makes his standard, oft-repeated arguments about evolution and the segment ends within minutes.

Look, you can debate evolution and creationism all you want (and I don’t want). But what Ray (and many Christians) don’t understand is that you can’t bring religion into public schools.

Because if you teach one, you have to TEACH THEM ALL.
Including the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Ramen.

Now me personally, I’m a ‘live and let live’ agnostic. By that, I mean, I’m not going to beat you over the head with my beliefs. Whatever gets you through this world is fine with me. But I can’t take these people who insist that their religion (whichever they happen to be) be forced into every avenue of our lives.

Back off, man. It’s not my thing.

I’m going to get a little rant-y today, mostly because I’ve been seeing this particular problem crop it’s ugly head a lot lately. And it needs to be nipped in the bud by some of you parents.

There is an etiquette to elevators and buses and some people seem to not understand it. Listen carefully because I’m only going to type this once.

LET THE PEOPLE ON THE BUS OR ELEVATOR OFF BEFORE YOU GET ON!

Are we clear? Do you understand what I’m saying? When the elevator doors open, wait a bloody minute before you starting pushing in. Let the people off first. When the bus pulls up to the curb, WAIT! People need to get off before you get on.

AND TEACH YOUR KIDS THESE RULES, PEOPLE!

They’re not that hard to learn. And they make everyone’s lives easier. Okay? Let’s not have this talk again.

Here’s a rough draft of a letter I’m putting together for Blender magazine, a publication to which I currently subscribe:

Dear Blender,

I just received your latest ‘issue‘ of your monthly magazine and really, WTF? This is the thinnest magazine I’ve ever seen. Seriously. I’ve read tract literature that was thicker than this. I’ve written letters for work that had more actual content than this pamphlet you call a magazine. I’ve gotten emails about travel deals that were more interesting than another article on the Jonas brothers.

But you get the idea.

Look, I know times are tough, especially for magazines. And yeah, you guys canceled Stuff and thinned Maxim, but Blender wasn’t that good from the start. It needs every page it can get. Technically, it doesn’t even have a spine anymore…it’s a fold over and staple magazine now.

Blech.

Signed,
Patrick D.

Now I just need an envelope and a postage stamp.