Patrick Says

So, some parents don’t like for their kids to have toys that look like guns. Not even space-type guns or anything. But I’ve found, for the most part, that kids will make pretty much anything into the shape of a gun or rifle and shoot away. In a pinch, they’ve got a pistol on the end of each arm. (Make an L-shape with your thumb and index finger…bang bang.)

But that’s not the problem and really, I wouldn’t be too concerned about the gun thing. What you need to be on the lookout for is blunt force weapons. Believe me, if your two sons get their hands on any of the following, they will be beating each other for hours:

• swords (fake or otherwise)
• lightsabers
• ball bats
• the bar you pull down on some types of strength equipment
• vacuum cleaner extensions arms
• long pieces of foam
• the cardboard tube from a roll of gift wrap

You get the idea. That’s where you need to be watching.
Trust me.

So, my friend sent me this link. Before you go and try the quiz, I need to warn you. You think you’re going to knock this one out of the park, but it’s not nearly as easy as you’re expecting it to be.

Now I’m not a genius, but I consider myself semi-intelligent. I can find all fifty states on a map and most countries in the world. But this quiz kicked my butt. It doesn’t give a score, but I’d say I probably barely got over 50% right.

Consider yourself warned: Can you fill in a map of the Middle East?

My friend, Jessica, knows I like the pop culture stuff. So, she sent me this link to a story about Paris Hilton. In the story, Paris claims, well, to quote it exactly:

“I’ve only done it (had sex) with a couple of people.”

Maybe it’s true. Maybe it’s just an image she likes to portray to keep the public interested in what she’s doing. Maybe she forgot the word ‘today’ at the end of the sentence. Who knows?

The world seems to stop when she’s not here.

I’ve got Bill Withers ‘Ain’t No Sunshine’ on infinite repeat in my head. I know it’s only temporary, but I feel like I’m in an infinite loop without her. After the kids go to bed, the house is so quiet…

Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone.
It’s not warm when she’s away.
Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone
And she’s always gone too long anytime she goes away.

I don’t know why I’ve turned into such a pansy. I really don’t. I normally handle these extended absences better than this. Maybe I just need someone to talk to.

I didn’t mean for this post to turn into a wine of the month, oops, whine.

Oh, well. Maybe she’ll be home by the weekend…

I was at my mother-in-law’s place today picking up my son when I realized I needed to use the bathroom (just a plain bathroom; no seat lifts or anything) before we left. So I headed that way. I still had my scarf on. I’m not sure if that was because I was a little chilly or I was attempting to impersonate Tom Baker circa 1979.

Anyway, it didn’t occur to me to take the thing off before ‘pulling up a chair’ if you get my meaning. Anyway, as I got up, I almost dipped the thing in the toilet. Fortunately, I did not.

But it did make me realize that wearing your scarf to the bathroom has pros and cons. On one hand, you run a serious risk of dunking your scarf in the toilet. On the pro-side, if the bathroom is out of toilet paper or a hand towel, you are all set.

Don’t forget the Clorox when you get home.