Patrick Says

(Time to get this blog back on track. Bring on the mildly funny.)

So, I’m working out of a new building. And it’s great. But it’s not without new problems. Are we going to talk about the restrooms??? Yes, my friend, we are.

We need some setup first. There are, in the public restroom arena, two types of restrooms. There are the stallers and the singles. Stallers are restrooms that contain anywhere from one to whatever number of stalls. Singles are just that…single. It’s a restroom where you lock the only door. It services one person at a time and ultimately, you will watch the doorknob jiggle if someone wants to drop a deuce while you’re doing the same. For the record, I hate singles.

So, at the new office building, we have a staller. Two stalls, one urinal and a sink. Fine. Except the stalls are very narrow. I’m a big boy. I’m pushing 235 pounds. It’s like getting in one of those stupid airline restrooms. I’m knocking stuff around, hitting walls, poking myself in the eye, it’s all bad. So I sit down, packed in like Yogi Kudu in a box.

I won’t go into graphic detail, but I’m ‘ready to leave’ and I go for the toilet paper. I pull and get about ONE-HALF of a sheet and the paper rips. I pull again. Another ONE-HALF. Okay…seriously. Have you seen my butt? I’m going to need more TP than this, people. It’d be like trying to paint a house with a toothbrush…it won’t work. Another pull. Even less paper. So, I do what comes naturally. I go into a Wolverine ‘Berserker Rage’ on the toilet paper dispenser. Ten seconds later, I’ve got all the toilet paper I need.

On a side note, the brand name on the TP dispenser appears to be Cornmatic. Seems to me if you’re dealing in dookie, why would you go for anything with corn right there in the title? Just seems like a bad idea to me…

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008 at 1:31 am and is filed under Randomness. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.