Patrick Says

Gather round, kiddies, it’s story time.

But first, let’s throw out the lesson. Be careful when you let people watch your house for you while you go on vacation. There is about a 98% chance they are going to go through almost all of your belongings. It’s not personal. It’s just the nature of people to snoop. The likelihood goes up to 100% if the house-sitter is a male in his twenties. Let’s get to the story, shall we?

When I was stationed in Italy at Aviano AB, it was a pretty common occurrence for those who lived off-base to have barracks airmen watch their place. The barracks airmen loved the opportunity to get off-base for awhile and the off-base personnel felt their place was safe.

So it was one summer when our captain asked one of the barracks airmen (NOT ME) to watch his house. Let’s call this airman George. So George jumped at the chance because officers always have better places than enlisted. That’s just a given. So, captain and family head back to America and George is hanging out. As a male in his twenties, George naturally gets to rummaging around…and hits GOLD.

George finds an unmarked video cassette. He plays it. On this tape is footage of the captain’s gorgeous wife diddling herself. The video was from the previous summer when the captain had been deployed for a bit. So, George did what any other red-blooded young man would do. He copied the tape. And of course, the tape spread through the shop. I got to see it at a friend’s house when he mentioned he had a copy. It was damn hot.

The captain couldn’t actually prove that George had made the copy, but he deep down, he was pretty sure of it. But without hard evidence, George couldn’t be prosecuted or even accused. However, George pretty much got all the crappy jobs in our unit until he rotated back to the States. So what’s the lesson again: be careful with your naughty tapes and/or pictures. Lock that stuff up, people!

On a side note, during the diddling video, a baby’s hand (the captain’s infant daughter certainly) appears onscreen for just a second. For the love of Pete, people, if you’re going to diddle yourself on video, get a babysitter for the day. Otherwise, it’s just kind of wrong.

On another side note, I don’t condone what George did. I just enjoyed it.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 3rd, 2008 at 11:56 pm and is filed under Randomness. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.