Patrick Says

If you recall a few days ago, I left the car running while getting haircuts. Well, the loss of my mind continues. Read on…

Okay, I needed gasoline for the car. I pulled into a gas station, got out and put in $10 worth of petrol…which is about 2.1 galllons these days. Anyway, I head to the next location and I get out and there is my gas tank door wide open. I know what you’re thinking…lots of people do this.

But I DON’T.

I can say with almost 100% certainty that I have NEVER forgot to close the gas tank door. Worse, the actual screw-on cap was still attached to said door and not even close to on the tank. I suppose I should consider myself lucky the cap didn’t fall off somewhere down the road.

So there’s that. But it gets better.

I was driving to work yesterday and needed to use the restroom. It happens. I’m human. So I pull into a QT because they usually have pretty clean restrooms. In my haste to get into the restroom, I simply ran in, locked and did my business. While sitting there, it occurred to me that I had been in this QT before and the restroom was in a different place. Weird. They must have remodeled.

No, they hadn’t. I was in the ladies room. Fortunately for me, it was a single restroom and not a stall setup, so no one would be coming in. I secretly darted out of there and headed to work.

I have got to get my head back in the game.

I just noticed this morning while communing with nature (sitting on the toilet) that women are killing at the reality shows this year. Did you notice?

• ‘Biggest Loser: Couples’ had its first female winner in Alison Vincent.
• ‘Survivor: Micronesia’ was won by Parvati Shallow, a woman.
• ‘Dancing With The Stars’ had its first a female winner with Kristi Yamaguchi.

And tonight on ‘American Idol’, the ladies have the chance for the sweep if David ‘Gaspy’ Archuleta wins! YOU GO GIRLS! (Get it? He’s a girl.)

So, when The Wife and I were looking for houses, we were all over the metro area. And we really wanted to live in the Arnold/Imperial area. They had good school districts, nice neighborhoods and the prices were close to within our range. We probably saw fifty or more houses in that area. And frequently, we would pass by a building on Jeffco Blvd with a sign outside that read ‘Club Imperial’. Also on that sign was a dancing girl. The building itself had NO windows. None.

So, we assumed it was a titty bar. Except that to the best of my knowledge, strip clubs aren’t allowed in Missouri. That’s why there are like, twenty of them across the river in East Saint Louis. (Go to Roxy’s. Trust me.)

Anyway, now we’re perplexed. What is going on in there? This question has plagued me for years. The other day, while researching a post about the mystery, the mystery was solved. Kind of. They have a website. Really. Now it appears that Club Imperial is a sports bar. And Carrie, apparently, is the featured attraction. I think she might be a bartender…not really sure.

Regardless, I’m still curious what is going on in that place. While we did end up in the Arnold/Imperial area, it was not off Jeffco. I told the The Wife there was no way I would be telling friends and family that ‘if you pass the titty bar, you’ve gone too far.’ Nope. Was not going down like that. And it didn’t.

Who’s going with me to this place and see what’s the haps? Who already knows?

Apparently, a couple years back, Pearl Jam and U2 got together and jammed in concert on Neil Young’s ‘Rockin’ In The Free World’. Pearl Jam is one of my favorite all-time bands and I like U2 quite a bit as well. Crap. I miss all the good stuff.

The guy announcing them is kind of lame, but work past him. It’s worth it. Also, Bono has a bit of a God complex, but hasn’t he always had that?

Awesomeness delivered. You’re welcome.

This is a pathetic, but true, story. Enjoy.

So, the boys needed haircuts. So The Wife and I and the boys hopped into the family cruiser and headed to Great Clips. Due to a medical procedure, this was one of those rare days when I actually get to drive the car. So, we drive to Great Clips, get out and head inside for haircuts. The kids were pretty good and there wasn’t any wait, so cool…we zoom through and we’re done in like, thirty minutes.

We go outside and I’ve got The Oldest and The Wife has Steak. We load them on their respective sides and get in ourselves. It’s about now that I realize I can’t find my car keys. Left pocket, nope. Right pocket, nope. So I get in and I realize I had left them in the ignition…wow. I don’t normally ever do that. The Wife does it intentionally. I never do it.

But it gets better.

The car is running. Just idling away. I left the car outside…unlocked…engine running…while we got haircuts. Someone call the old folks home and tell them I’m ready to be picked up. Also, tell them to stock up on red Jello…it’s my favorite.

Eep.