Patrick Says

It’s 2:30am. Earlier, we did the Chicken Dance with Bug and it was fun.

My son occasionally watches a show called ‘Charlie & Lola’. It’s cute, but I caught a part of it once and they had a dog on the show. And the dog turned around…

And he had an anus.

I’m not kidding. It was an x. Just like that. An x. I understand that dogs have anuses, but did you have to actually draw it when you created the art for the show?

It’s just a little too much detail.

My oldest son has names for all the stores he goes to. Those names are based on what snack item he can usually talk us into at each store.

For instance, Schnucks is the ‘Cookie Store’ because he usually gets a single cookie while we’re there. Target is the ‘Cold Store’ because he can get a cold there. Cold is his name for an Icee. He has names for other stores, but these two are the ones we got to most often.

I don’t know his name for Shop’N'Save…

Okay, so I’m at Target the other day, shopping. And we pass the animal food aisles. And something catches my eye. It’s sauces for dog food. Yes, sauces. Like roast beef flavor and other tasty-sounding flavors.

For dogs.

Now what I’m thinking as I look over the assortment of flavors is, ‘Where is the poop-flavored sauce?’ Because every dog I’ve ever met will eat a big pile of feces like I eat spaghetti. Dogs do not need sauces. They will eat poop. I think that right there tells you they are not connoisseurs of fine food.

Do not buy your dog a sauce for his food. Seriously, give that money to charity.

I am pushing through to the friggin’ end of this thing. So, what to talk about now? I’ve cleaned my PDA out of topics. Well, not really. Just the funner ones.

Here’s a weird thing I do that my boys seem to have picked up. The Wife thinks it’s weird, but if I need to sneeze, I just need to look toward a bright light source and BAM, I can sneeze. Does anybody else this weird quirk or is it just my lineage?