Patrick Says

One of the interns in my office recently found this blog (kudos to her) and found the post about the interns. I re-read that post and it’s a little meaner than I like to be. So I deleted it. The intention of this blog is not to hurt people’s feelings…unless those people are Paris Hilton.

Sorry.

Well, as you read the other day, my car was burglarized at the B&B on my anniversary. But I had a thought as we were driving around. Statistically, that day and the next night, that car was the safest place in the friggin’ world. What are the odds of a car being burglarized two nights in a row?

Pretty darn high, I’m guessing. I could have put six gold bars, two televisions and three naked college girls in the back seat, with the engine running and two of the four doors open. AND STILL, nothing probably wouldn’t have gotten taken.

But I didn’t test that theory because I like the stuff I still have…

So, Friday was my anniversary of four years of marital bliss to my beautiful wife. Every year since we got married, we have gone to a different bed and breakfast each year. This year was the farthest distance yet, all the way to Cape Girardeau, Missouri. I’m not going to mention the name of the B&B, but you’ll understand at the end.

So, Wednesday, I cut out of work early. We drop the kids off with a good friend and head south on I-55. We arrive and check-in and everything is going great. At the recommendation of the owners of the B&B, we head to Texas Roadhouse for dinner. I was wanting Outback, which I love, but the B&B had a 10% discount, so off we go. Dinner was really good. The steak was as good as Outback and I was fat and happy. We head back to the B&B and go to our room for the evening’s festivities.

The bed was rock hard. Here is a comparison to show you what I mean:

The left is what the bed looked like. The right is what the bed felt like. Got it? Again, we’re staying optimistic. Now there’s an entertainment center. And on either side of the center are what my wife and I lovingly refer to as ‘devil dogs’. Check out this monster:

And yes, they’re that scary. The wife turns them around until we leave. Back to that entertainment center. The TV is literally hanging out of the cabinet. But that’s not the funny part. The funny part is that this thing is tiny. If we said we were going to watch a little TV, we weren’t kidding cause it’s friggin’ small. See what I mean:

Again, staying positive.

Jump ahead to the next morning. We get up and get ready to see the sites. The wife showers first. The shower is very cute. And I’m saying that as a guy. It’s a cute shower. It’s a claw-footed tub with a shower curtain on a rail that hangs from the ceiling. The combination of these two ‘features’ is that you have about six square feet of actual room to shower.

I’m pushing 250 pounds. I’m a big guy. Washing my body suddenly becomes an exercise akin to when the Yogi Kudu would put himself inside that little box on ‘That’s Incredible’. Did I lose you youngsters with a ‘That’s Incredible’ reference?

Anyway, we shower and get dressed and hop in the car. I look at my dashboard and notice my cigarette lighter socket, which I normally never see, because there is normally an FM transmitter in it. Not anymore…

“YOU HAVE GOT TO BE F*CKING KIDDING ME!”

I said those words out loud in my car. I live in Saint Louis, last year’s most dangerous city. I NEVER lock my car. I’ve been in neighborhoods where they would shoot you for not keeping your eyes forward and I’ve never had my UNLOCKED car burglarized.

Really, Cape Girardeau, really!?!

The rest of the trip was uneventful. The restaurants we dined at were all pretty good. We played some mini-golf, bowled a few games and had a general good time in spite of the problems above. Which of course bring us to the whole lesson of this adventure: when you’re in love with someone, even not-so-great times can be pretty okay. Thanks for four years of ‘through good pretty okay times and bad not-so-great.’

Am I the only one excited to hear that the Spice Girls may be reuniting?

(chirp)

Ok, it’s just me. But I thought the Spice Girls were pretty okay. They never attempted to make you believe that they were anything more than happy, bouncy pop. And by just by the title of this post, you will probably be humming that song later.

So here are some excerpts from the article on Newsvine:

Spice Girls Set Date to Reveal Plans

LONDON — Talk of a Spice Girls reunion has swirled for weeks — boosted by Sporty Spice herself — and on Friday the vivacious five said they would make “an announcement to the world” next week.

Gossip took a major leap, and suddenly old film clips of the 1990s pop sensations were all over British television.

The statement issued by the quintet’s management company seemed designed to move the rumors up a notch and stretch them out for a good week.

“Following weeks of speculation, the Spice Girls are set to make an official announcement to the world regarding future plans on Thursday, June 28,” said the statement from 19 Entertainment. “Details regarding the announcement will be released in the coming days.”

© 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

And how about a video of one of my favorite Spice Girl songs:

It’s a day late, so it’s a double!