Patrick Says

So, Friday was my anniversary of four years of marital bliss to my beautiful wife. Every year since we got married, we have gone to a different bed and breakfast each year. This year was the farthest distance yet, all the way to Cape Girardeau, Missouri. I’m not going to mention the name of the B&B, but you’ll understand at the end.

So, Wednesday, I cut out of work early. We drop the kids off with a good friend and head south on I-55. We arrive and check-in and everything is going great. At the recommendation of the owners of the B&B, we head to Texas Roadhouse for dinner. I was wanting Outback, which I love, but the B&B had a 10% discount, so off we go. Dinner was really good. The steak was as good as Outback and I was fat and happy. We head back to the B&B and go to our room for the evening’s festivities.

The bed was rock hard. Here is a comparison to show you what I mean:

The left is what the bed looked like. The right is what the bed felt like. Got it? Again, we’re staying optimistic. Now there’s an entertainment center. And on either side of the center are what my wife and I lovingly refer to as ‘devil dogs’. Check out this monster:

And yes, they’re that scary. The wife turns them around until we leave. Back to that entertainment center. The TV is literally hanging out of the cabinet. But that’s not the funny part. The funny part is that this thing is tiny. If we said we were going to watch a little TV, we weren’t kidding cause it’s friggin’ small. See what I mean:

Again, staying positive.

Jump ahead to the next morning. We get up and get ready to see the sites. The wife showers first. The shower is very cute. And I’m saying that as a guy. It’s a cute shower. It’s a claw-footed tub with a shower curtain on a rail that hangs from the ceiling. The combination of these two ‘features’ is that you have about six square feet of actual room to shower.

I’m pushing 250 pounds. I’m a big guy. Washing my body suddenly becomes an exercise akin to when the Yogi Kudu would put himself inside that little box on ‘That’s Incredible’. Did I lose you youngsters with a ‘That’s Incredible’ reference?

Anyway, we shower and get dressed and hop in the car. I look at my dashboard and notice my cigarette lighter socket, which I normally never see, because there is normally an FM transmitter in it. Not anymore…

“YOU HAVE GOT TO BE F*CKING KIDDING ME!”

I said those words out loud in my car. I live in Saint Louis, last year’s most dangerous city. I NEVER lock my car. I’ve been in neighborhoods where they would shoot you for not keeping your eyes forward and I’ve never had my UNLOCKED car burglarized.

Really, Cape Girardeau, really!?!

The rest of the trip was uneventful. The restaurants we dined at were all pretty good. We played some mini-golf, bowled a few games and had a general good time in spite of the problems above. Which of course bring us to the whole lesson of this adventure: when you’re in love with someone, even not-so-great times can be pretty okay. Thanks for four years of ‘through good pretty okay times and bad not-so-great.’

This entry was posted on Sunday, June 24th, 2007 at 11:16 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.