Goodbye, Vas: Part 1…
I have two children. I love them, but it’s time to say goodbye to my vas deferens. I would like to ‘shoot blanks’. I want to be done done with this. This is my story…
Word of mouth is a very popular method of finding a doctor. I asked my friend’s husband who he used for his vasectomy. He gave me the name of his doctor. Let’s call him Dr. Hatenbad. I called to make an appointment and two weeks later, I’m in his waiting room. I fell asleep twice waiting for the doctor. Forty-five minutes past my appointment time, I approach the window. I’m told Dr. Hatenbad is in surgery that ran late and is on his way. Neat, but not entirely unexpected.
An hour after my scheduled appointment, I’m led back to the office with Dr. Hatenbad. I’ve met a lot of dull people, but this guy is amazing. He has the personality of a dead fish. He looks at me, maybe, twice. At some point, you’re going to take a big needle and stick it in my balls. You can least make some eye contact.
He informs me that the only hospital he can do the procedure in is in the north county area. I live 20 miles south of the city, so this will be a good long drive with my testicles in a sling. The reason? Catholic hospitals won’t do vasectomies. I fell out of my chair laughing so hard. How pompous! You have to love religion.
He asks if I’ve read the literature I was given in the waiting room. Blank stare from me. He asks again. Same blank stare. He opens the door and walks out into the common area (not the patient area) and verbally berates an employee for not giving me the pamphlet…in front of the other employees.
In my own job, I firmly believe if you have a problem with something I did, tell me privately. Don’t make me look like an idiot in front of my coworkers. He was such a douche I kept waiting for him to pee in a corner or maybe hump a desk to establish his ‘alpha male’ status. Sadly, he did neither.
We finished the appointment and I left to schedule the surgery. The woman taking my surgical appointment was curt and a little rude. Maybe she was angry about the earlier berating too. Who knows. I scheduled surgery and left. Outside in the waiting room, I made a note to cancel that appointment when I got home.
These people are jerks…time to find a new doctor.
November 29th, 2006 at 7:10 am
I think the best part is….when you actually went through with scheduling an appointment for surgery! ‘Course, I’m not one to be silent when things go that awry!
Onwards my fine feathered friend…
November 29th, 2006 at 5:51 pm
Why didn’t you say something? I do vasectomies for $50! Of course, if you want me to come to you I’ll have to charge you travel expenses, but otherwise we could just do it in the bathroom at the Milwaukee Amtrak station.
December 1st, 2006 at 4:05 am
My coworker’s husband cancelled his appointment twice. She got pregnant with his fifth kid and she told him to fuck off that they were both getting fixed.
Then she promptly kicked him out of bed.
Just remember to make the appointment with a new doctor.